Dresses, shoes, hair, oh my!

I'd like to start this post with pretty much the best part about the planning process: Picking out a wedding dress!


First, do your research and find what stores you want to go to, make sure to keep your budget in mind. I chose off-the-rack and consignment stores to get the best deal. I wanted a designer dress without paying a designer price. The only downside is that the dress you try on is the only one, there's no "I'll go other places and think about it and maybe come back." If you leave without buying the dress you like, it could be gone by the time you decide it's what you wanted.


The first store I went to was an off-the-rack store called Brilliant Bridal. At first when I explained that I wanted a lace dress, I felt like she didn't quite get it when she started pulling dresses. This is when I pulled out my phone and showed her a few pictures, this made a HUGE difference. BRING PICTURES. "Lace" in bridal dress language is not specific, neither is "mermaid" or "princess dress". The easiest way to start getting into the dresses you like is to bring pictures.
Let me just say, I hate trying things on. And wedding dresses are difficult to try on. I had to wear a strapless bra just in case and I HATE them, I'm really short and dresses are really long so getting my feet off of the end of the dress requires jumping around, it's just a mess. Try to remember the excitement of GETTING YOUR WEDDING DRESS.


Here's another tip: Schedule your appointments on a day when no one in your group has ANYTHING else to do that day. We got there at 10 am, my sister had to leave for a game at like 12 and we were rushing towards the end which really frustrated me. Don't let that happen. It sucks. Plain and simple.


I actually did end up buying a dress at the first store I went to, which I had planned NOT to do (oops), but I really loved it and I couldn't stand the idea of it not being there later. However, because we were in a rush, I didn't really get to try on veils or anything, so now we still need to go back and do that. I got to see one just to make sure I loved the dress but I want to try every kind on, even though I THINK I want a birdcage veil. But I don't wear veils every day, so how should I know?


That's another tip: Even if you love one certain type of dress, be open to trying on other styles that your bridal consultant suggests would look good on you. I tried on a really poofy dress that I thought I'd NEVER wear and I actually had a hard time choosing between it and the dress I bought!


Oh and just one more thing: If you want a SERIOUSLY cheap dress and don't mind ordering one online, my friend sent me this link after I'd already bought my dress. Check it out!
http://www.dhgate.com/wholesale+wedding+apparel+accessories.html#hp1305-lc-7-3


Now, you think that once you get your dress you're set, but you're really not. My Oma is altering my dress for me and making some sleeves for it so it's not strapless (I HATE strapless, as I've mentioned before). So now we have to find lace that matches to MAKE the sleeves. That will be fun.


Then there's accessories, I still don't have my veil, I don't know what kind I want, I think I might want a hair piece but what if I want a long veil or how do I make them go together. I'm not sure a necklace will go with the sleeves that are getting made but then will I look bare and then earrings and shoes and AH. Can I just say that this is stressful? I'm so bad with accessories it's not even funny.


Now, this leads me to SHOES. Which I need some serious advice with.
I think I want to just buy some white Vans. This way I can be comfy, walk steadily down the aisle, I can get those shoe pictures everyone else does, and then I can dance during the reception.
But my Oma says that I need at least a small heel to make the dress look the best. But does it make that much of a difference?
Can I get some advice from brides that have or haven't worn something other than traditional heels?
PLEASE COMMENT AND HELP ME. (And anyone else who might be reading)

Save the Dates

Alright, this is something I feel pretty strongly about, and something that I got some... comments about.
I am not sending save the dates and I am not changing my mind.
I really, truly, do not understand the point of them. Just send an invitation! Anything you send is going to be looked at for two seconds, thrown into a drawer or MAYBE onto the fridge, and forgotten about until the day of. Afterwards, it will go in the trash.
So why waste the money on two sets?


"We need to let people know you're engaged!"
Uhm, pretty much everyone knows I'm engaged. Mostly through Facebook, also through texts, phone calls, and word of mouth. They know. If they don't.... they're probably not invited anyway. I'm just being honest here.


"Family from out of town needs to plan ahead!"
I can, and have, very easily send a text or call to my out of town family to let them know when my wedding is. Why do I have to send an impersonal piece of paper that costs way too much, instead of actually TALK to them? Because let me reiterate, if I don't know them well enough to just talk to them myself, they're probably not invited.


Other than that.... I really don't know any other reasons for sending them.
So, here are my reasons for NOT sending them:


"They are a waste of money!"
They will probably cost around the same as the actual invitations to buy, address, and mail. For basically the same exact thing. Just sent twice.


"They are a waste of time."
Why would I want to address TWO SETS of invitations? I'm not doing them by hand, I'm doing labels, and I STILL don't want to deal with the added stress and time.


"It's a waste of natural resources and will just get thrown away."
 The paper we make these invitations out of? Usually not recyclable. I'm not a crazy earth-saving fanatic, but I believe in doing small easy things to help out. Like not sending out twice as much paper.


"They really are so impersonal."
Why do you think they are so quick to be thrown away? Because it's just a piece of paper with a picture on it. Everyone's lives are so hectic and cluttered already, they don't want to deal with save the dates and an invitation. Honestly, I'd rather a quick phone call or text so I can write it in on my calendar and wait for the invitation. Then I can also, oh I don't know, have a chat with my friend or family member?


Just saying.




As I've said before, this is my opinion and you can do or not do whatever you want.

"First Look" - Yes or no?

This is a completely personal decision - there's no right or wrong here.


First, let me explain what a first look is if you don't know. Before the ceremony, once both the bride and groom are ready, they see each other for the first time just them two (and their photographer) and get a few pictures together.


I've decided on doing this for two reasons:


a) The only reason I really care what my dress looks like, my hair, my makeup, etc., is to see his expression. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I want to see exactly what he thinks and feels about me in that first expression when he sees me. I just won't be able to see all those details from down the aisle. And I want a picture of it. I want to be able to remember and see that expression for the rest of our lives.


b) I want to spend one more moment together in (semi)privacy before we get married in front of our friends and family. To be honest, I'd have been fine eloping because I think that getting married is a very personal thing and doesn't mean anywhere near as much to all the people that come to watch. This will be our only chance to see each other in private until we leave later that night.


There are also some other benefits that I've thought of since deciding on this:

It will split up picture times and lessen the amount of time we have to take pictures between the ceremony and reception. The wedding party will most likely be excitedly lurking while we do our first look, so once we get our time together we will do our wedding party photos before the ceremony as well. This will also make it so we don't have to keep as many people in one place for the post-ceremony pictures.


The photographer won't have to worry so much about getting the groom's face during the ceremony. I'll already have a picture of his expression, so she can focus more on capturing other moments.


I'm probably going to cry when I first see him, so I'll be able to fix my makeup before the ceremony and (hopefully) make it through the rest without it running everywhere or turning the whites of my eyes black. (It seriously happens when you wear contacts)


However, like I said, having this moment or not is not right or wrong, it's whatever you and your fiancé decide (but mostly you because he more than likely doesn't care either way. My fiancé had no clue what this even was).

Photographers && Engagement Photos

I've said this before and I'll say it again: Aside from the venue, choosing the right photographer was the most important thing to me. I want to have pictures that I absolutely love and have no regrets about photos that I don't get.
Searching for photographers online made my stomach squirm. How was I supposed to trust any of these people? It wasn't in my budget to choose one of the $7,000 photographers that included a second or third photographer and tons of weddings already under their belt. But I was also willing to splurge a little on a photographer.
I have and will always argue that if you're going to splurge on anything, splurge on the photographer.
Weddings are expensive, but the only thing you get to keep from it are your pictures! And the skill of your photographer really is important.

That's why I am so so happy that we chose the photographer we did! We did our engagement shoot yesterday and it was so easy. She always old us exactly how to pose and she saw everything. She made sure to tell me if my shirt got tugged too low, if my skirt needed to be smoothed, if my hair was in my face. She also sees lighting like no one else does. She led us into a courtyard where hundreds of kids were running around and we stood in the middle of a breezeway and took pictures in the middle of this madness!!  But we had no doubt she had her reasons. Here's the proof:

It was all about the lighting and she always seemed to see the picture before she took it.
Taking our engagement pictures was so much fun and I'm so glad we did it. We'll have pictures to add to our invitations and we were able to spend time with our photographer before the wedding. If I did before, now I have absolutely no doubt that she will so an amazing job at our wedding and I will have pictures that I love!

Here's the rest of the sneak peaks she posted on Facebook:

 

As you can see by the watermark her name is Gretchen Wakeman and you can find her Facebook page by clicking here!

I also just have to add a disclaimer and say that if you decide to do anything with these pictures, which honestly would be kind of weird and creepy, do NOT edit them in any way or remove the watermark!



Do I HAVE to invite him?

The next step is coming up with a guest list. You think this will be so easy - but it really isn't.

The first issue is that you can't invite everyone - unless you're not serving a meal or you have an incredibly large budget. If you can invite everyone, good for you! Remember not to get too upset about inviting your dad's second cousin, it doesn't mean you will have to remove someone from your preferred list of people.

For those of us that do have to set a cap on the amount of people we're inviting, it's a little more tricky. You will want to balance the amount of people your parents wants to invite with your own close friends and family. The issue here is that your parents are probably helping with the budget for the wedding, and they really want to show it off to all of their friends and cousins - people you might not know. I have a few tips for this:

• Remember that not everyone you invite will come!
• Some might live out of town and just not be able to make it, some of the distant relatives your parents want to invite probably won't make the effort (I'm not trying to be rude I'm just saying it's true. You would do the same thing), and some people might have prior engagements. For the first round, just write down everyone you and your parents can think of, and give everyone a "rating". A 1 for "Must invite", a 2 for "Want to invite" and 3 for "Parents' Picks". Hopefully your "Must Invite" list is smaller than your max amount of people, but even if it's not, you can assume some of them may not come. I can't give you an estimate percentage or anything like some sites will, because I don't think it works. It really depends on your friends and family. Really go through everyone, especially out-of-towners and decide if it's more than likely or not likely that they will be able to make it. Let's say you have twenty people you think may not be able to make it - invite 30 or so from your want list and your parent's want list, since there are probably people in that addition that might not be able to make it, etc.
• My guest list cap is 150, I told my caterer and venue I had a minimum count of 130, and I think we will end up inviting around 175 people in total.  I think I can make an educated guess that 140 people will come, granted my parents don't sneak a few more people onto the list.
• Really think about the non-relatives that you want to invite.
• If you look back at your pictures in 20 years, will you be able to remember their name? Will they still be in your life? Or will you wish they weren't in that picture? Some people are life-long friends and some people are friends for now, and there's nothing wrong with that.
• Will they really want to come? Or would some of your girlfriends honestly rather party with you at your Bachelorette party and then just look at the wedding pictures afterward? They will still be included and you won't go over-budget or exclude any family members from the wedding.
• Really ask your parents WHY they want to invite certain distant relatives
• Is it because they feel obligated that they were invited to a wedding of theirs a few years ago? Chances are they did that out of obligation as well.
• If it's someone they are close to and want to see you get married, really try to work them in, even if it's just for your parents. Really they just want to show you off.

And that's pretty much what my thought-process was.

Also: ALWAYS keep a hard-copy of your guest list!!!!
I was working on mine, highlighted all the people invited on my side and.... the puppy jumped on my keyboard! She managed to delete it all, save it and close it, all in that one jump. I was NOT happy, and stressed for about an hour trying to remember them. Finally I called my mom and she reminded me of the hard copy. What would I do without her?

Location, location, location.

My search for a venue was somewhat dramatic and involved my first bridezilla moment. Soon after we got engaged, my fiancé and I started searching online for wedding venues we liked.
One of the first venues we came across was Villa Siena, but I quickly wrote it off as too expensive. As I continued my internet search I quickly realized that finding a venue that would fit my needs and a reasonable budget were NOT going to be easy. Most places I found only had room for an indoor reception and an outdoor ceremony - I was determined to have an all indoor wedding. Although I live in Arizona and it almost never rains here, I just know that nature will be against me. I was also having an issue finding someplace that would fit 150 guests. I still can't understand why that was such a difficult task - I had been under the impression that 150 was on the low side for a wedding. I guess because 99% of the guests are only family members. I'm from a big Mormon family and Jacob (my fiancé) is from a big Mexican family - add that together for a LOT of important family members to invite.
Anyway, I digress.
Eventually, I decided to at least take a tour of Villa Siena and my mom also made an appointment for a tour of a Mesa country club. This is where the drama starts.
I had initially scheduled an appointment at Villa Siena for a Wednesday night for my mom, Jacob, and me. I would just like to say right now, my mom and me are NOT good with directions and getting to a place we've never been to before isn't a fun thing for us. After passing the venue three times in a row, my mom flipped another U-turn to come back towards the venue - over a divider. In a Honda Accord. Long story short, we didn't see the venue that night.
So, I rescheduled the appointment for a few hours before our appointment at the country club, that way my dad would be in town and we could all go look at both.
I set one foot inside Villa Siena and instantly fell in love. Everywhere you looked was breathtaking. Chandeliers everywhere, stone flooring, nice lighting, it looked like a mini castle tucked away in Gilbert, Arizona. I was completely sold. My dad, however, was NOT sold on the price.
Next, we headed toward the country club. Just on the drive through the golf course to get to the club I already decided I hated it. All I could see everywhere was green and trees. I am a city girl at heart and I am not a fan of nature, and I couldn't imagine the backdrop for every single one of my pictures being nothing but green. But still, we went inside.
I'd just like to insert a disclaimer here that at this point I was already dead set on hating this venue. It was actually probably a really nice venue, so I'm just going to say that I was having my first Bridezilla moment and pouted through the entire tour.
Afterward I pretty much had a breakdown, saying that if I was forced to have my wedding there I would hate it. Blah blah blahhhh. I'm not proud of it.

Here is my tip: Line up more than two venues, rank them in the order you like them, and see them in that order, forwards or backwards, doesn't matter. And keep an open mind. Really try to be creative and make a game out of coming up with ways to make your least favorite venue look as good as your top choice. And get a good nights rest the night before; maybe do some yoga or something else to de-stress. Bridezilla moments are just embarrassing!
When we left my parents' house I had to stop and apologize for being a brat (that's the only word for it, that's how I was acting) and explain that I was exhausted and stressed and that I appreciated them coming with us to look at the venues.

That day they also gave me a budget that did not fit having Villa Siena as our venue at the price we'd been quoted. However, I was determined to make it work. I went home, worked the numbers, and found that if we chose a date during their "Low" price range, and chose an outside caterer to have a simple buffet dinner, I could make it work.
Don't throw out something you really want because it's a little out of your price range - there are always ways to cut corners in other areas. If it's completely out of reach, there are also a LOT of creative ways to make a less-expensive space look absolutely stunning.
(Hint: Finding a place with rafters or beams is key. Draping large pieces of fabric will make ANY space look really romantic)

Now I'd like to explain why Villa Siena was, and is, so important to me. I know that after my wedding, all I'm going to have are my new hubby, my memories, and my pictures. I know that a good photographer will be able to take great pictures as long as they have the right lighting, but I wanted it to be so easy to go absolutely anywhere in the venue and have great pictures - and that's what I think Villa Siena does.

Also, just look at it:

And just..... yeah.

I'm so in love with this venue, and my fiancé loves it too.



 

 

First Things First: What needs to be done?

A week after I had first gotten engaged my mom asked me to come over so we could start planning.
I was SO excited! I had been waiting to plan my wedding for my entire life it seemed.
I grabbed my computer and drove over, excited to share my Pinterest boards and all the things I had saved on my computer. However, as soon as I got there and pulled out my computer my mom handed me a timeline of a list of things that needed to be done and when, and that's when panic mode set in.
         
          Officiant? How do I pick one of those?
          Vendors? How do I hire random strangers and trust they won't ruin my wedding?
          How do I pick a wedding photographer that I trust?
          Venue? I know I need one but I don't actually know of any places?
          And what about a budget? I don't have any money I'm an intern and I go to school full time!

Believe me - it get's overwhelming! Especially with a timeline in front of you. Even though it was a rough sketch at the time since we hadn't set a date, it was crazy to look at. How many things you should get done each month, how crazy your to-do list gets in the month during the wedding.
I seriously considered eloping - and I still do.

However, it really doesn't have to be that stressful! I've found that it can be a lot of fun and it's my favorite way to spend my spare time.
So, I'm going to share with you MY list of things that I think are important to think about in their order of importance. As a disclaimer, I'd like to say that this is basically my own mix of tons of different timelines I've found online.

1. Decide what kind of wedding you want.
• Indoor? Outdoor? Church?
• I decided that I wanted an all indoor wedding, my personality can not handle the stress of the uncertainty of nature. I also wanted to keep the wedding religion-neutral since our families are different religions, I didn't want to deal with any upset family members! So I chose to search for a venue that could hold the ceremony AND reception indoors.
2. Choose an approximate number of guests you think you'll invite.
• It does not need to be exact or accurate by any means, this is a rough estimate to search for venues - a lot of venues can only hold up to 100 guests, whereas outdoor areas and other venues can hold 250+
3. Choose approximate dates
• I need to emphasize APPROXIMATE dates PLURAL. You need to choose a venue and come up with a budget before you can choose your date for certain.
• We came up with a date of May 30th and I actually started to tell family members and friends that asked this date. Then, I fell in love with a venue that did not have that date available! Along with that, it was out of my budget at that time of the year. To be able to stay within budget I had to move it to July 18th. Quite a bit of a jump and I started to confuse family members. DO NOT advertise your date until you have signed a contract with a venue or church.
4. Start venue shopping
• Research online, and make appointments to tour venues. I would suggest ranking your favorite venues that you want to tour and make your appointments in that order. Whether you do in forward or reverse order is up to you, but it helps to not go look at a really nice upscale venue and then look at one you would consider a last choice. It's too much of a jump and it will completely rule out the "lower choice" venue before you can even consider it.
5. Decide on a budget.
• You probably have already had a budget in mind when you looked at venues, but now it's time to really find out how much you and your family will be able to contribute.
6. Come up with an actual number of guests
• Start your guest list and start collecting addresses. You'll need a probably need a MINIMUM number of guests when you sign contracts with your venue and caterer.
7. Decide on your venue and date
• Once you've done this, it feels like your wedding planning has really officially started. YAY!
8. Choose your wedding parties.
• Discuss ideas with your fiancé and decide if you want matching numbers, or, if that's just not going to work, start coming up with ideas for unique ways to make it work! There's no reason either of you need to have more or less people in your wedding party than you want. It's supposed to be your closest friends that you want by you on your wedding day.
• We actually ended up with 6 each, which made it really easy. My maid of honor is my sister and his best man is his brother so I think that will be really sweet and fun!
9. Go wedding dress shopping
• I don't care how far away your wedding is, go wedding dress shopping! You know you want to and I think it will relieve a lot of stress once you find it.
• I bought a dress off the rack that is quite snug - I can't gain ANY weight. On one hand, yes, it does create a little more stress, but on the other hand it gives me motivation to NOT stress eat! I have never had more stress cravings in my life and I always just think about my beautiful dress. I think this is real solid motivation to stick to a wedding diet and exercise routine. I don't know about everyone else but just an abstract idea of looking thin and beautiful on my wedding day would not be able to stand up to ice cream cravings!
10. Choose a photographer
• This. Is. Really. Difficult. At least it was for me. The thought of choosing a photographer and trusting that they would give me beautiful pictures that I could love forever gave me stomach aches. Remember how I said I seriously considered eloping? The main thing that kept me away from that is wanting pictures from this special day that I could show my kids someday and love forever. So my photographer was so important to me. Don't be afraid to meet with as many photographers as you want! I'm also a big believer of splurging as much as possible on the photographer - your pictures are the only thing that you get to keep! (Other than your new hubby!)
11. Choose a wedding officiant
• This could be a really easy no-brainer or something quite difficult. There are actually a lot of choices.
• Originally I started researching my vendor's list of suggested officiants, but I just couldn't believe that most would charge $200 minimum! And to go the religion-neutral route I couldn't ask a bishop - not that either of us really knew one well enough. That got me thinking that I really wanted someone close to us to do it. Funny enough, a friend of ours jokingly suggested that she get ordained and do the ceremony for us - and we loved the idea. My fiancé has been working with her for the past three years and she actually used to be my color guard coach in high school. I'm really excited that a stranger won't be the one up there with us on our big day.
12. Choose a caterer
• I guess I should say, choose how your reception is going to go. You could have a come-and-go reception and serve fun snacks to go with your theme or the season, you could have a buffet dinner, or you could have a full served meal. It depends on your budget and really just what you want.
13. Does your catering include your cake? If not, find a bakery
• Really decide on what you want! Is a big fancy cake what you've always wanted? Go for that! Not your style? There's tons of alternatives.
• I really couldn't stand the idea of spending a ton of money on a CAKE. It just get's eaten anyway. Plus, I don't like fancy cake. Give me fun-fetti and I'm happy! So we decided on cupcakes! That way we can choose different flavors, and we were able to ask my fiancé's uncle to make them for us. He used to be a pastry chef and we're so lucky that he is willing to make and decorate them for us. However, even if you're trying to save money on the cake and don't have anyone close that is a professional baker, cupcakes are much easier to decorate, you can ask more than one person to help with it, and whoever is making them has time to practice and find a way to decorate them that's easy and still looks great!
14. Choose a florist
• To be honest, I can't give much advice in this area because I'm lucky enough to have an Oma (German for grandma) that knows how to make bouquets with silk flowers and offered to do all of my flowers for me! Once choice you have to decide is real or silk flowers. I chose silk flowers because they are less expensive and I won't be limited to the seasonal selections. Also, I'll be able to keep some of my bouquets and flowers and my bridesmaids can keep their bouquets if they want.
15. TAKE A BREATHER!
• Congratulate yourself - you've got almost all of the big things out of the way. Once I had gotten past this point I felt so accomplished and on top of things. I knew that all the big things had been taken care of.
16. Start thinking about invitations
• Depending on how far away your wedding is, you've got some time before you have to actually order them and send them out.
17. Start thinking about decorating
• This is when the smaller things start coming in to play. How are you going to decorate your ceremony? What about your centerpieces? The cake table? etc etc.
• This is where I'm at right now actually, and I can't decide how I feel about it! Some days I love it and I can't wait to start collecting more things. Other days I feel like it's a daunting task. I keep thinking of more and more things that I need to figure out and buy.

This is where I'm at now, and I plan on writing detailed posts about my experiences with each of these little milestones. I'm loving this journey and I hope others will enjoy hearing about it!